This is my speech to honour you at your beautiful service so everyone knows what you meant to me and the love we shared..
‘To my Mama’
It’s taken me a long time to write these words for you today.. It’s something I never thought I would have to do this soon in my life. I mean, how could I possibly sum up a lifetime of love and experiences with my mum over just a few pages.. To put it shortly, she was my world. Not a day went by that we didn’t call each other and talk about everything and nothing. Sometimes several times a day, usually when I was walking somewhere. My Dad used to say I called because I was bored but the truth is, just hearing her voice made my travels feel quicker and safer and more enjoyable. I couldn’t say how we managed to find hours of conversation a day when sometimes we hadn’t done anything in that day worthy of a story, but we did. I could open up completely with her and tell her everything and more and that’s how I know my life will never be the same again. That’s what I find the hardest now that she is gone. She was the one I called first whenever I needed a chat, whether because I was travelling somewhere or excited about something or sad. She was always there.
When we did see each other we were as daft as anything. We had the same sense of humour. She’d laugh at my silly impressions and voices and skits. Her laugh was so contagious. She’d light up any room with her positive energy, her warmth and kindness. I think everyone’s lives were just that little better knowing she was a part of it. We loved to sing together too in perfect 2 part harmony. Our favourite songs being ‘California Dreaming’ by the Mamas and Papas, ‘Help’ by The Beatles, and ‘You are my sunshine’ by Jimmy Davis. Growing up my friends always said ‘how are you so good at harmonies?’ and I’d always say it was because of her. Not only my singing ability but also my resourceful nature and creativity. Like me, she was a dab hand with a needle and thread and would make miles of bunting, at least 4 of each design she chose. Always one for her, one for me, one for Din and one for Hayley. If it wasn’t sewing it was decoupage or knitting or baking. Her cakes were legendary. She was the absolute hostess with the mostest making sure her picnics and parties were catered for the masses. Even if there was only 4 of you eating, she’d make sure there was at least 3 puddings for everyone to choose from. Of course no one could ever choose one so we’d all end up having 3 desserts each! She was always the one to bring the family together and to make sure we were all well fed.
My mum was a natural mother hen. She even had several actual hens she looked after. Like Doctor Dolittle with animals, she had a way with children and babies that just made them calm. I remember when I was in my early 20’s I took a job looking after one of my teachers babies. He was only about 1 at the time and I was completely out of my depth. I’ve never been naturally maternal like she was. I remember he didn’t stop crying one day which just made me panic and sob myself. In my distress I phoned my mum for guidance. She just said to put her on speaker phone so the baby could hear her and in her dulcet tone she simply said ‘there, there baby, it’s ok, settle down’. And just like that the baby instantly stopped crying. She was a wizard. The baby whisperer. She had such a soothing voice that the baby felt safe and relaxed. I said to her ‘don’t ever hang up this phone’. I hope when I have my own baby someday that I will have her maternal gifts. If I’m half the mum she is, I know I’ll do ok. I just wish she could have been there to help me through and guide me when that time comes, but I am grateful I’m surrounded by other amazing mothers who can.
She always believed in me even when I didn’t myself and helped me out of many a stressful time like that one.. We drove each other crazy too, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. But she was my best friend, and that’s what best friends do, they make each other bonkers sometimes. For example clothes shopping with me used to drive her mad. I was never very good at it. I was incredibly indecisive and would get bored and cranky scouring the racks for a good buy. She’d like to think of herself as some sort of fashion guru you see and my sometimes quirky style didn’t always match her taste or the high streets for that matter. We always got there in the end though, usually after a nice cuppa tea and a slice of cake.
We had a saying to each each other. I’d say “I love you Mama” and she’d say back to me “I love you too baby”, unless I had sent her over the edge shopping by then her response would be a deliberate silent turn of the head away from me. Oops, now I’ve really done it. I’d then repeat “I love you Mama” over and over again until she said it back to me. She always did eventually with a smile as she couldn’t stay mad at me for long.
Like many nurturing mothers, she had this compulsive need to clean every property I ever lived at every time she visited. And I wasn’t a messy person by any standard. My housemates and I would give the house a good going over before she arrived, announcing ‘the Queen was coming!’ Yet she always managed to find something somewhere to dust! She had an acute in built dust radar it seemed. She was funny that way. I can feel myself developing the same skill in fact, I guess we all turn into our mothers eventually. And you know what, I’m happy with that..
We had such a deep connection that we used to joke that we were spiritually and psychically connected. That perhaps I was her mother reincarnated. Apparently I looked a lot like her. We’d always sense when the other would call. I would literally pick up my phone and a text or call would magically appear on my screen from her and visa versa. I keep looking at my phone waiting for her name to appear but it never does. I could always sense her in my life but now I just feel empty and lost. All I want is to see her and hear her voice and feel her in my arms.. Wherever you are Mama, please find me. I’m here and I’m waiting for you. I imagine she’s on the other side, levelled up to a better place and reconnecting with her Mum and Dad and loved ones again. After all she has so much to tell them about. She had a great life here on Earth with amazing friends and a wonderful family who loved her.. Who love her.. I never want to speak about my mum in the past tense. Because I don’t accept that she is gone forever and that this is a final goodbye. It’s a see you later because we will see each other again. She will come for me someday when my time is up with open arms, and I will be there with a smile and a long needed snuggle. Thank you for being the greatest mother there ever was and my bestest friend who I could always count on. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without your influence, your love and your kind heart. I love you Mama, forever and always, every waking day and with every breath I take, for I am you and you are me.. until we meet again..
