Tom Daubeny

Tom Daubeny

28.05.1974 - 22.10.2023

Loving husband to Charlie, father of two beloved beautiful and brilliant daughters Rosa (15yrs) & Willow (12yrs) whom he proudly saw as his greatest achievement. Son to Nick and Nina Daubeny, brilliant brother of Nell. Tom was educated at Bedales (1986 -1992) Manchester & Toulouse Universities; St George’s University Hospital (2002-2006). Initially work for Tom was various jobs with varying degrees of success & no long term prospects. This all changed when he trained to become a Doctor, utilising his considerable if not always visible intelligence & charm. A highlight was his year as a Royal Flying Doctor in Western Australia where he combined work and exploring with his family. He then went on to work during the Covid pandemic in intensive care before securing his dream post as a Neuro Intensive Care Consultant on the South Coast.

His achievements in no particular order & too many to list here include: Chess Captain Bedales School, 2nd XI football team Bedales (Roy Keane-like midfield terrier), very average Club cricketer as both bowler and batsman, keen but again average competitor at squash, tennis, boules, darts, water polo, fencing, cycling, table tennis, motocross, boxing / wrestling (many of us trained with him on evenings after a few drinks). Other interests included sailing in Chichester marina and supporting QPR. Tom was extremely well travelled & still welcomed in most countries he visited; he always said yes to any suggested adventure and this took him all over the globe, teaching anaesthesia in Mozambique, charity work in Afghanistan and earlier this year diving with his girls in the Indian Ocean.

Tom was a loving, loyal, inspiring, charismatic friend to many far & wide. We will all miss him & the many stories will soon become legendary, much like our adored Tom.

Please leave a note of your memories & attach photos of our beloved Tom.

Tim & Annie Hutchinson

02.12.2023

Our deepest condolences to you all at this sad time.

Camilla Daubeney

01.12.2023

I am so very sorry. Hugs to you Charlie and the girls xx

Richard & Sally Read

19.11.2023

In memory of Tom - love to all

The consultants anaesthetists and intensivists at Southampton General Hospital

17.11.2023

These donations are in memory of dear Tom, a valued member of the neuro-intensive care group and the anaesthetic department. He will always be in our thoughts.

Cecilia Mackie

14.11.2023

Tom and I unwittingly became lab partners for our masters degree in physics.

I think I can honestly say that Tom was the “funnest” person I’ve ever known in my life and I’ll explain why I say that.

There were no lengths that Tom wouldn’t go to, to have fun. A perfect example is the time he tried to persuade everyone to do a Peruvian tequila which involved snorting the salt and squeezing lemon in your eye. Perhaps unsurprisingly he was the only one that did it and it was only after I asked him how it went that he said, in an understated manner “it was quite painful actually.”

When Tom and I went out, we were the terrible twins that did things no one else dared to do (within the realms of decency and honour) and I will never find someone to replace him.

When he wasn’t climbing the Himalayas, organizing cricket matches and sailing, he also had a thirst for noble pursuits and I am not surprised at all to read that he went to Afghanistan. He would have absolutely loved helping out there.

When I heard the news my heart went out to his parents, to his sister and to his wife and daughters.

Losing someone so young is frankly brutal and many a tear will have been shed.. I will add mine to the pot..

My love to all, Cecilia

Mahaveer

07.11.2023

Just about a week back, I was just talking to my son Joash Abhay who is 18 years old, about my learning working with Tom Daubeny in Afghanistan. Saddened to note that he is no more. What amazed me about Tom was my experience working with him especially his passion and courage to meet anyone and do anything to help rebuild Afghanistan. It was in the year 2002, that I moved to Afghanistan to work with HOPE Worldwide, it was during this time that HOPE Worldwide Afghanistan received a request from the Ministry of Health to help provide food for patients in government-run hospitals in five provinces of Afghanistan. With no staff and funding available. We took on the project with faith, Tom, and I along with our project manager Fayaz, were involved in writing the proposal, liaising with the Ministry of Health, with the World Food Program, and for project implementation, we approached the French embassy for funding. Tom knew French which further helped in getting project funding, before he could finish his volunteering term, we had a team in place to implement the project. The project helped 1000s of patients to get food while being treated at the hospitals. What intrigued me was his go-getter attitude and willingness to explore any opportunity that would bring his dream to reality, and he would do it with great enthusiasm and passion. This small experience left an indelible reminder of how to give more than 100% with passion and enthusiasm. great memories and the life he lived are worth celebrating and we pray that God comfort the entire family and friends who feel the void of him being not around. As the saying goes 'It is not how long a person lives but how well one lives. Certainly, Tom lived his life well, doing his bit to make this world a better place. with love, Mahaveer. (in the picture - from left are Dr Mark Timlin, Mahaveer, Amruthavalli, Tom Daubeny and Vicki Timlin (taken in Afghanistan in 2002)

Sam Woollard

06.11.2023

Tom, what a privilege to have had the chance to spend the last 49 years with you always at the end of the phone and available to spend time with.
He always had so much to give that he was able to give to so many people and make them feel special. He was the magical ingredient in any situation turning, all he touched into a precious memory. There are so many ways to describe Tom but my main ones are challenger, adventurer and Dearest Precious Friend. When I look back over these years, most of my good times and challenging ones involve Tom. The world has lost a bit of colour and my heart is broken. But the memory is strong.

Jude

05.11.2023

Tom: a beloved son, nurtured and cherished by Nina, Nick and Nellie, blossoming into the brightest star of joy, laughter, fun and love for his family, daughters, wife, colleagues and friends.
Shine on and fly free Tom

Lesley Enzor

04.11.2023

Tom

Not only were we fortunate enough to enjoy life with Tom in Chichester, he had the spirit of a great adventurer, dragging his family to join us in the outback of Australia for a year. From dancing around the kitchen to “Put the lime in the coconut” to exploring every wild beach with us, we loved the adventures we had with him. Tom said “yes” to every opportunity, often turning Charlie grey in the process. Our favourite memory was that in the aftermath of the earth quake in Bali that we were sat around the pool playing earthquake related songs: just typifies his (and our) willingness to look for comedy as a means of coping with uncertainty. I’m sure everyone has a legendary story involving Tom, his enthusiasm and energy were infectious, taking us on spontaneous escapades before we even knew what was happening.

We are so lucky to have our lives touched by Tom. We miss you.
Nick, Lesley, Charlotte & Sam xxxx

Andrew McEwan

04.11.2023

Thank-you Tom for bringing so much joy & happiness to even the briefest of moments spent together x

Christophe chandler/ brother in law

04.11.2023

An endless spirit of adventure and joy for life, coupled perfectly with the most unique time keeping known to man, an absolute light in our lives and hearts where he will stay forever.
A curious mind racing through life with open arms and a generous heart, an enthusiast, a loving family man and a true friend.
Tomma you showed such love, even in the hardest of times. Xx

Sam Jukes-Adams (nee Henham-Barrow)

04.11.2023

Tom was a very memorable school friend and a total character, I’m sure lots of people have said this. He brought life to the party, he had enthusiasm and energy and a twinkle in his eye at all times. I always thought of him as a cheeky mischievous bouncy red haired many freckled tigger. Oh my goodness, he could cause havoc. He and his mate Will, were always clowning around. Tom managed to do that and be very clever and studious and do well, it’s easy to forget that about him, how clever he actually was. Tom’s energy was uplifting to be around. We once went to Dublin on a school English trip, because we were studying Jame Joyce’s Dubliners, and Tom and Will were total tourists all the way around. If Tom could make a photo memorable, he would, if he could make a policeman smile, he would, he simply seemed to have an insatiable appetite for bringing life and energy to pretty much anything and everything. Even at our school reunion, his energy remained the same, even with his very very responsible job and work.

I hope that in the memories you’ve heard about your Dad you can see the parts of him that are in you and hold them tight and embrace them, because they served him well, and they will you too.

With warmth and love,
Sam Jukes-Adams (nee Henham-Barrow) xxx

Nellie

04.11.2023

Beloved brother. Total legend. Beautiful golden warrior. Love, life and joy giver. The greatest honour to be his sister.

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very very brightly Tommy x

We will all miss you more than you could ever possibly image.......

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

See you in Nangijala Tommy, keep the fire burning bright so I can find you brother x

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

How we laughed......... Captain my Captain!

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

Cork Week 2008......... how we almost brought home the Chocolates but ended up with the rubber duck instead!

Sivakumar S Pillai

03.11.2023

Rest in Peace Tom. It was a previlege to know you and play tennis with you.

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

Always a smile & never a dull moment x

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

How much trouble could we possibly get in to......... forever singing the Queen of the Night......... Love you my dearest Tommy x

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

Forever in my thoughts, such beautiful memories of sailing with you my dearest and funniest friend..... I love this photo of us in Kioni, Ithaca, Greece.

Rolf Thunecke

03.11.2023

Cracking night out at the Pixies, followed by some late night skateboarding in Brockwell Park....... how we laughed till we fell off and hurt x

Tim and Cathy xxx

03.11.2023

Treasured memories of the irrepressible Tom with his lovely family in Port Hedland and the Lake District.

Sue Miles

03.11.2023

We were so sad to hear about Tom, but he will forever be in one of my favourite memories of our wedding day. A classic girls circle group dance toward the end of the evening when in entered Tom, skidding in to the middle of the group, and I want to say attempting a bit of break-dancing, although my memory is a little foggy of this! What I do remember is my friends being delighted by Tom's dancing skills. We've loved hearing of all his exploits across the years and send all our love to Charlie, Rosa and Willow. Much love Sue, Brendan, Connor and Emily xxxxx

Mull Price

03.11.2023

This is Tom’s snooker cue. A prized possession of his (he actually sent me this photo of it recently to remind me how awesome it is!) and something that I believe shows some of his great character. We went to see a Masters semi-final at Wembley and he managed to buy this cue and get it signed by legends of the game Stephen Hendry and Ken Doherty (who I think was actually playing in the actual match we were watching) during one of the intervals. I still haven’t worked out how.
He was always a joy to be around, loved life, adventure and has gone from us all way too soon. Charlie, Willow & Rosa I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. Love Mull

Crispin Weidmann

03.11.2023

I remember Tom as a very calm clinician, with excellent skills & knowledge, coupled with a great sense of humour. As a consultant you were always pleased if he was attached to your list and when he was appointed to neuro ICU as a consultant colleague , I thought what a great addition to the team. Taken way to soon. I shall always think of his positivity which shone through.

Remeny Royle

03.11.2023

Fun, loyal, mischievous, hilarious, brave, amazing, honest and just plain brilliant is how I'd describe Tom. We've been friends since before we were born... (our mum's are best friends) - my heart hurts writing this. He was one of the most constant and brilliant of friends - always laughing and fun... full of adventure. A man filled with love for his friends, but especially his family.
There are too many stories to share - but suffice it to say - my memories of Tom started with him singing "Shuttuppa your face" on his air guitar on the kitchen table aged 4... a couple of years later, the 2 of us singing - "We don't need no education" in the car while one of our mums was in the shops - so everyone could hear... laughter and singing continued throughout our friendship... he came to every party - always causing laughter, often a bit of trouble with a twinkle in his eye. You knew he'd do anything for you no matter what... and he'd always make you laugh... The last few visits we had - were obviously special - from his crocodile hunting with Sam in his canoe and pretending to be Gandalf at Nick & Nina's - to singing Beatles songs in the car on the way to Nell's this June... after we spent the day buying ridiculous hats... I said to him - "You know Tom, you and your family are my family.... I've always known that you'll always be here..." And I realised what I said. My heart broke a little bit... He smiled... But you know what... He will always be here. He will always be making us laugh and we will always have fun in his name. Tom, we love you and my God, we will miss you. But you will always be here... Thank you for being you. xxx

Aoife Fitzgerald

03.11.2023

Tommy Ten Swims
I got to know Tom while teaching SAFE Obstetric Anaesthesia in Sierra Leone and Mozambique.
He brought such joy to the group and to the course. As well as being a gifted teacher, Tom was up for any madcap adventure, from 2 runs and 10 swims a day, to acting as a pregnant woman (in the name of education). He led a late night escapade to a nightclub in search of a supposedly famous DJ none of the rest of us had heard of. And there was the quest for the hottest hot sauce, Tom would eat it with every meal, including adding it to a glass of orange juice.

“No first price 10 dollars!” exclaimed the necklace seller in response to Tom agreeing to pay over the odds for a necklace made from magazine paper. She was aghast that he wasn’t even trying to haggle. He found fun and human connection in all these small encounters.

Tom had taken a dislike to Reading because his boat had been stolen from the river there by Roland the Artisan Pirate, and Reading’s football team had stolen the colours of his beloved QPR.

While there was nothing we could do about the football colours, Tom needed little encouragement to go on a mission to reclaim his lost boat. We met in the Tesco carpark, Tom inflated his canoe and we went to the river. Roland the Artisan Pirate (not actually his name it turned out) welcomed us to his ramshackle pirate boat house, showed us his artworks, made us tea and explained that he had only been minding Tom’s boat for him. But because Tom never came back, he sold it to Irish John in exchange for a chainsaw. Tom had no anger at the fate of his boat, only kindness, curiosity and joy in the adventure of the evening.

Tom always brought his best self, sharing hilarity and kindness with everyone he encountered. His generosity of spirit was inspiring.

He will be greatly missed. Heartfelt condolences to Charlie, Rosa, Willow and all of his family and friends.
xxx Aoife

David & Sarah clarke

03.11.2023

We will miss you buddy. X

Mark and Vicki Timlin

03.11.2023

“ Tom was so much fun to be around. He always had us laughing. He was very honest about his feelings, especially being overwhelmed by the poverty he witnessed whilst in Afghanistan. He genuinely cared for people and worked hard alongside Afghans helping them rebuild their country. Although he was there for a short time, everyone fell in love with his warm fun-loving nature and kindness. Out of all the volunteers who served in Afghanistan, many HOPE staff consider him their favourite and continue to talk about him to this day. Looking back over these photos, is very moving for us and we realise that his passing has left a massive hole in the lives of many and he will be greatly missed. We are so grateful for meeting him and enjoying his company”.
From Mark & Vicki Timlin

Helen Murray

02.11.2023

Tom was always so much fun to be around, you never quite knew when he was going to turn up (eg randomly at ours in Wimborne after foraging along the Dorset coast or on a frequent trip to Perth from Port Headland) where you were going to end up (eg drinking pisco sours in a small cocktail bar, or spinning on his head to northern soul in a bar in Northbridge) or what you were going to do (eg watch a very random movie based in the outback or catch the cat empire playing in Bournemouth) but you always knew you would have a good time! We were fortunate enough to get to know Tom while we were out in Western Australia for the year and we talk about all the memories there and back home often and with such fond memories. The photo was taken when Tom took on the challenge (as he always would) to catch a cricket ball mid air and win a beer!
With love from
Sean, Helen, Alex and James xxxx

Roger & Paula

02.11.2023

In memory of a good, kind and fun loving man who will be sorely missed by family and friends alike.

Mark and Vicki Timlin

02.11.2023

“ Tom was so much fun to be around. He always had us laughing. He was very honest about his feelings, especially being overwhelmed by the poverty he witnessed whilst in Afghanistan in 2002. He genuinely cared for people and worked hard alongside Afghans helping them rebuild their country. Although he was there for a short time, everyone fell in love with his warm fun-loving nature and kindness. Out of all the volunteers who served in Afghanistan, many HOPE staff consider him their favourite and continue to talk about him to this day. Looking back over these photos, is very moving for us and we realise that his passing has left a massive hole in the lives of many and he will be greatly missed. We are so grateful for meeting him and enjoying his company”.
From Mark & Vicki Timlin (Past directors of HOPE worldwide Afghanistan)

Debra

01.11.2023

Tom was such a happy, positive and fun person to be around.
We feel so lucky to have known him, he was a very special person and we will miss him greatly. We only wish we could have known Tom for longer.
This is Tom joining in with the girls and wearing pink to go see the new Barbie film.
Sending you all our Love
Debra, Andrew & Grace xxx

Lucy keaveny

01.11.2023

Adding some photos of Tom
Sleep well dear friend xx

Richard Gittins

01.11.2023

Tom has been my good friend and companion on many an adventure since we first bonded during a post-pub urban exploration session whilst at Manchester University together. The obituary captures his irrepressible spirit well - he was always up for any exploit and more in love with life than anyone I've ever known.
Physical restraints wouldn't stop him. If he couldn't climb a tree to cross a river he would just plunge into it chest-deep and fully clothed and come out the other side wet but undefeated. When he was unable on one occasion to walk to a remote beach for an overnight camp because he was on crutches he drove two hours in the dark so we could ferry him down a narrow creek to the shoreline, lying flat in a canoe like a Viking king.
Just after his diagnosis - along with our friend Tom Pettifor - we walked 15 miles over fields to Petworth to watch an England match, getting chased by a herd of rowdy bullocks on the way, and pausing for Tom to ring a local game butcher, convince him they were old friends and keep him on the phone for 15 minutes explaining the comparative quality of the meat at all the pubs in a ten-mile radius.
As recently as June this year Tom was driving us out in a giant powerboat he had got hold of to the Isle of Wight, eating mackerel we had caught on the way on the beach for lunch. He burned brightly and it seems somehow impossible that he is gone.

Jon Fennell

01.11.2023

Was a privilege to work with Tom. Such a kind and caring doctor and I know will be very much missed by many here at the hospital .
Tom stood out as one of those people you feel fortunate to have met in life and was an inspiring doctor and a wonderful role model for his trainees and colleagues alike.
Rest in peace and my thoughts are with Tom’s family and friends.
Jon

Alexander Oakley

01.11.2023

Daubeny Lightweight was how I would answer Tom on a phone call, his reply is less printable. Tom was like the Brother I never had (though on odd occasions denied all knowledge I even knew him). Godfather to my eldest Ella (who he dropped on her head as a baby & she now blames him for any misendeavour) fellow trouble maker, confidant & most trusted of friends. From school pranks & general misbehaviour @ Bedales, to walking holidays in the Isle of Mull, clubbing in Berlin, fine dining in Bergen or just mincing around at the footy or Lords, there was never a dull moment & certainly plenty of unexpected adventures, as was Tom’s way. I wouldn’t dare mention the Drinking Olympics @ Clapham, the fight @ Sara’s 40, the England World Cup adventure, ending up sleeping under bridges in Toulouse because we lost the flat key, which was in fact under the mat where we left it ! My last adventure was with Tom & Sailor Tom (Bayliss) my best men, on Tom’s yacht touring the Witherings. I haven’t seen him happier, at last we had a proper Sailor in control & Tom could sit back & relax & enjoy the moment, he was so happy & content. I will miss you Tom, thanks for letting me be part of yours & your family's life, it was an adventure I’ll never forget, Alex xx

Lucy keaveny

01.11.2023

Tom was the most kind hearted, funny, bright, loyal, adventurous spirit and friend. I met him in my early 20’s and our birthdays were a day apart. I’ve got so many fond memories of parties, QPR football matches, hanging out with friends and just together. He will be missed hugely and leaves a big hole not just in mine but so many lives. Tom we will miss you so much xx

Vicky Taylor

31.10.2023

What a lovely obituary, so beautifully done. Tom could make anyone feel adventurous and free. He was the kindest and loyalest friend to myself and most especially to my brother Ed. He was the undisputed leader of our little possee of four kids making mischief in the village. The photo shows Ed and Tom in 1978, myself in the nurses costume behind.

Christin, Martin, Freia and James

31.10.2023

Tom touched all of our lives- our time in Norway together showed him as the person with the greatest energy, enthusiasm and adventure. Freia and James knew him as the funnest of friends Dads.
We are grateful and humbled to have known Tom, and deeply deeply saddened by his loss.


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